Saturday, January 1, 2011

Disappointment, confusion, quandry and disease. Oh my!

Three days before Christmas Eve, I once again donned my big girl panties and decided to invite the ex to spend the night Christmas Eve so that he could be here for The Moment.  In no way could I predict what time my 2 yr old would wake up on Christmas morning, so spending the night would be the only way to assure that he wouldn't miss seeing our son come down the stairs to the site of the tree overflowing with gifts.  To continue the shockingly mature behavior he has exhibited the past couple of weeks, he accepted and thanked me for the offer. 

He showed up a little after 3:00pm.  Now, this is notable because on numerous occasions he has intentionally arrived after our son's bedtime.  Father of the year he is not... most of the time.  As he walked in, however, he said he hoped I wasn't upset by the fact he was there early, but he missed his son and wanted to spend some extra time with him.

I try to be tough.  I was raised with brothers and all their friends who treated me more like one of the guys than a princess, so I learned early to suck it up.  But this holiday season had been very emotional for me from the onset.  This is the first Christmas since I was in high school that I didn't have a someone in my life.  This would be the first Christmas my son would have an idea of what was going on and his parents would be there as separate entities rather than a couple who loved each other.  Seeing my ex step up and be a caring dad was not helping the soppy, sentimental Krista stay in line.

After we (and I must reiterate, the fact there was a "we" because my ex was whole-heartedly participating is novel to say the least) put the little elf to bed, I began the marathon wrapping and assembling production.  I had such good intentions to have everything wrapped in the days before, but life has a funny way of disrupting all my plans.  Without a moment's hesitation, my ex jumped in and helped assemble our son's "big gift" and gently reassured me that the boy would be thrilled with that gift as well as all his others when I started to cry at the realization that parts were missing.

Christmas was amazing.  My ex was right and my son was so delighted by the stacks and stacks of gifts under the tree - and the attentive daddy helping him open and play with each new toy - that the fact a few accessories were missing from the main gift didn't faze him at all.  So many times throughout the day I actually had to remind myself of the events of the past 9 months and remember that we weren't the Norman Rockwell family that we appeared to be.

My ex stayed over Christmas night as well and spent the entire next day playing with our little man.  To say my son was happy would be the understatement of the year.  Despite the lack of desire to be a parent lately, my son absolutely adores his daddy and misses him desperately.  This was, quite possibly, the best day he's had in his little life so far.

Unfortunately I wrapped up Christmas weekend by waking up at 2:44 am on December 27 with the nasty bug that has been going around.  The bug that is so horrible I wound up losing 9 lbs in a day from being sick.  The bug that was bad enough to force me to call the ex a little after 3am to beg him to come back and watch our son because there was no way I could be mommy while I was that sick.  I should add I only pleaded for his assistance when phone calls to my mom went unanswered.  I have a lot of issues with asking for help to begin with and to ask my ex is something I'd only do with my back firmly against the wall.

He did the 15 minute drive from his place to mine in under 10 minutes.  He not only did 100% of the parenting duties for our son through the night and the entire following day, he waited on me hand and foot.  He did a Gatorade/Lysol run in the middle of the day when I could finally tolerate liquids.  He took my temperature, kissed my forehead and was nicer to me than he has been in over a year.

He has thoroughly confused me and left me wondering what my moves should be in the new year.


etoile said...

And where was football RNG!?

Oh dear... Your emotions must have been through a rollercoaster in the last few months.

I'm happy for your son, but I hope you too can find some happiness in a male figure once again!

Mandy said...

Tough. Tough. Tough. However, I'd try to forgive and forget, and only look at this as a wonderful coparent situation until the future becomes clearer, not dwell on what will be or won't. OR, for that matter, what was.