Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Thank you, Mr. Edison

I had a bit of a light bulb moment tonight.  Considering my rapidly advancing age - dude, I turned 31 last month - these are few, far between and to be celebrated. ;-)  The recent actions of my ex hubby, the lack of closure with Reid and my new possible venture Luke (yes, football RNG gets a name, he has some potential) have made me pensive.  I've realized I'm the common denominator causing some of the issues here.

But, let's first recap the latest:

The ex
My ex seems to be contrite.  He has played the "I'm so sorry, please forgive me and don't divorce me" card a couple of time during this process, but he is different this time.  He's not pleading for forgiveness.  He's not acting like an ass.  He's not openly coming onto me and trying to entice me into having sex with him again.  He's just being the sweet, caring, thoughtful guy I married.  This is far more dangerous for my emotional well-being.

Reid isn't going away.  To the point I'd use the words "fixated" and "obsessed".  My birthday is shortly before Christmas so it is easy for it to be overlooked, but he was one of a handful of people who remembered my birthday.  I thought that was sweet and considering the fact he spent quite a bit of money on my gift, I was even more impressed.  Then he also bought an expensive Christmas gift for my son and I which kinda started to border on creepy.  The last straw has been the constant texts and emails.  Everyday there is at least one email and half a dozen texts.  Yes, we've officially crossed into stalker territory.

He really is the one who brought about the recognition that something is wrong with me.  He's an absolute doll.  We have had some amazing conversations, he has a great sense of humor and about a million other good qualities I could sit here and list, but for some reason I kept looking for faults.  I kept coming up with things like, "He isn't as into football as I am and that is important to me" or "He doesn't seem to keep up with current events and seems okay with that".  Nit-picking, plain and simple.

I keep comparing Luke, Reid and every other guy I've even considered dating to Mr. Perfect.  Him.  This ideal mate who is unattainable and will never be a reality for me.  I tell myself that Reid wasn't as fun as I'd like him to be, but the truth is that Reid isn't as fun as he is.  I tell myself that Luke doesn't click with me and doesn't give me the butterflies I want to have, but the truth is that Luke doesn't affect me the way he does.  I'm finding it has less to do with what is wrong with them and more about what is right with him.

So what's a girl to do?

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