Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The bigger person or just a big idiot?

For a while now, my son has been waking up in the middle of the night and coming into bed with me.  He just turned 2 and has been sleeping solo through the night since he was about 9 months old, save for a few episodes where teeth were bothering him.  I'm not naive, I know this is related to his daddy moving out.  During the night, just before going back to sleep, he will say, "I miss daddy."

This has to be the hardest part of this entire process.  Yeah, dealing with all the arguments, the lawyers, the pain and heartache all suck, but seeing it affect my little man devastates me.  I didn't expect that aspect to be so hard, but it is worse than I imagined.

Since my ex hasn't seen our son for a while, I made a decision to invite him over for Thanksgiving dinner.  Actually, I invited him for the entire day from parade to football and all the trimmings in between.  My son misses him terribly and he'll be thrilled to have his daddy with him.  Hopefully I'll be far too busy cooking to even notice his presence.

I keep waffling between being very proud of myself for putting my son's needs ahead of my desires (i.e. to not have my favorite holiday darkened by my ex's presence) and thinking I need to have "STUPID" tattooed across my forehead. 

At least I can be certain this will be an interesting Thanksgiving either way.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Krista! You have new top matches!

This is the subject line of emails I receive almost daily from an online dating site I joined.  I'm still trying to figure out what the "new" is pertaining to as it is filled with the same profiles time after time.  While on the topic of things that are unclear to me, I don't get the exclamation points either.  What are we so excited over?  The fact I am 30 and single again?  That my marriage failed? 

But I digress. 

I used to fall into the category of people who scoffed at online relationships.  Throw tomatoes at me if you must, but I couldn't see how they would work.  How a little questionnaire could get to the "real" you and find that one-in-a-million match.  I think I used the phrase "snake oil salesman" once or twice to describe the collective owners of these dating sites.

Then I went to 4 weddings in less than a year where the couples were matched by an extremely popular dating site.  I started to see the process in a slightly different light.  I saw real people that I know and love find the person that is genuinely their other half. 

Not long after that I found myself single again.  Yes, it's true I get set-up by many sweet and well meaning friends, but I kind of look at the process ahead of me like a whole new adventure.  Part of this being a new adventure requires me to do something different.  To take a few chances and see how my hand plays out. 

So Krista signed up for a dating site.  Anyone want to take bets on the outcome? ;-)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

"The Exception"

I think I'm in love.

Scratch that.

I know I'm in love.  He has a litany of fantastic attributes such as thoughtful, charming, successful, funny and heroic, but the most important is that he follows through.  If you ask him to do something he will move heaven and earth to accomplish whatever task for you.  And do so quickly.

Do you feel the "but" coming on?  There has to be a "but" or else this would be entirely too much of a sugary sweet post for my taste and end in a diabetic coma.

If he were a superhero his name would be "The Exception".  He is absolutely perfect for me... except:
  • He's old enough to be my father.  I like older men and all, but even I have my limits.
  • He's happily married.  As in completely head-over-heels in love with his wife.  This would be another one of his adorable traits.  After all I've gone through with the ex, I admire men who love their wives whole-heartedly.
  • He's one of my patients and I'm all about ethics so that just won't work out.
The reality is I think the world of him in a totally platonic way.  If I ever permanently leave this office, I'd definitely be staying in touch with him simply because he is a great friend, makes me laugh no matter what else is going on and he has done a lot to help me recently. 

In a funny little twist of fate, he is a high ranking military officer (who is, literally, a hero that served in Iraq and Afghanistan).  Since it seems like military guys are making a strong presence in my life lately, maybe I just need to troll bases for my next husband. ;-)

Friday, November 19, 2010

A selection from the bad date files

Either my subconscious graced me with selective amnesia or I never had a truly bad date prior to marriage.  I'm guessing it's the former.  The "Really Nice Guy" from my last post was apparently an anomaly for I have had the bad set-ups to prove it.  Including this little installment: 

A friend I know fairly well asked if it was okay to give my number to her husband's co-worker.  Yes, the very long degrees of separation should have been a red flag, but at this point I'm game for almost anything.  You never know when Prince Charming may ride up in his white H3 and who may have sent him.  Obviously I said yes or the story would end here, and what fun would that be?

My normal rule is to meet for coffee first.  If it is a crappy date, you haven't wasted multiple hours of your life and don't have to deal with that whole awkward time of finding topics you can discuss with someone you hope know you'll never see again.  Mistake #1 (or technically #3 if you count me agreeing to let her give him my number and then answering his call) was bending this rule and meeting him for dinner.

I arrived at the restaurant 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet and 35 minutes before he showed up.  Great start to the date, no?  I forgave this faux pas for a couple of reasons: A) I knew the area he was coming from and knew there was some major construction going on and B) He was gorgeous.  Not cute, not handsome, not even hot.  He was the kind of gorgeous that makes your heart skip a beat and your breath catch in your throat.  I admit, it was totally vain of me to even have this as a reason, but it was a primary reason.  He was so completely gorgeous I couldn't help but wonder why he was 35 and still single.

Shortly after he was shown to our table, he came out with, "Damn, you're hotter than the picture Jason showed me."  This was the high point of the evening. 

Next up: "Don't you think this idiot has really effed up this country in the past 2 years?"  Now, I didn't vote for our current President.  I don't agree with many of the changes he has made/proposes to make, but bringing up politics immediately and in such a derogatory way breaks major first date etiquette.

Over the next two hours he wowed me with tales of his drinking escapades, the dogs he went home with at the height of his inebriation and the numerous occasions he drove home drunk and only getting caught twice.  And by "wowed" I mean I sat in shock that he felt compelled to say all this at our first meeting. 

These anecdotes were interspersed with belches, chomping noises, loud complaints about the service, food and pretty much everyone seated within a 15 foot radius of us.  To say I was embarrassed was an understatement of gigantic proportions.  However after I declined dessert at a rate I am sure was noticeably quick, I was free from his obnoxious presence and could put it all behind me.

Or so I thought.

In an act of supposed chivalry, he walked me to my car.  I began thanking him for the dinner and was cut short by the sloppiest kiss I'd experienced since High School and some attempted clumsy groping.

The whole question as to why he was 35 and still single?  Yep, totally got that one answered.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The RNG files...

It seems like with the mass exodus of my ex-husband's stuff, my friends got the green light to start finding me Mr. Right v 2.0. 

They feel exceptionally obliged to provide me with a plethora of "really nice guy(s)" since I work from home the majority of the time.  The men I come into contact with in coworker format are, most of the time, married doctors.  While they are oh-so willing to flirt, they are more interested in the "gotta go, the wife's around" type of relationship rather than the "til death do us part" set-up I'm looking for right now. 

Our most recent addition to the RNG collection (really nice guy, in case you weren't paying attention) met me a few days ago for coffee.  He lived up to the RNG title my friend bestowed upon him.  He's a genuinely sweet guy and put my life into serious perspective.  His soon-to-be ex wife left him and their children very shortly after their IVF conceived, premature twins were born.  He's also a military member stationed far from his support system.  Yeah, and I thought I had it bad.

Aside from all that, we have a lot in common and had an easy rapport.  We left things with a possible dinner this week and the good ole "stay in touch".  So we'll see where this leads.

Stay tuned for more stories from the RNG files.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.
James Michener

Since I started reading when I was 3 years old, I've had a love affair with words.  Words are powerful and evocative entities that possess numerous alternate personalities.  "I like you" expresses mild emotions, nearly to the point of being mundane.  However this sentence can be rocketed from placid to passionate with "love", "hate", "want" or "need" replacing one meek little word.

Two words, merely 8 letters combined, quite effectively showed their strength in my life recently: "I cheated."

The usual suspects filtered through me as I heard these words from my husband.  I was hurt, angry, bitter, jealous, self-deprecating, judgemental and... relieved.

It was shocking to identify that feeling at the time, but his revelation came following several months of distancing and arguments.  Repeated instances of interrogating myself as to what I had done to cause this reaction and what I could do to revive the man I married.  Countless tears cried in the shower over the loss of my best friend.

As the words "I cheated" sank in, so did my new discovery.  Words are not just strong, they are fast-acting.  At a speed that ought to shatter all the world records words that had defined me for three years morphed into a new reality.  "Married co-parent" became "single mother".

New words, new title and a new life deserve a new home.  And then came this blog.  My own little journey through this new world in written form.