Friday, November 19, 2010

A selection from the bad date files

Either my subconscious graced me with selective amnesia or I never had a truly bad date prior to marriage.  I'm guessing it's the former.  The "Really Nice Guy" from my last post was apparently an anomaly for I have had the bad set-ups to prove it.  Including this little installment: 

A friend I know fairly well asked if it was okay to give my number to her husband's co-worker.  Yes, the very long degrees of separation should have been a red flag, but at this point I'm game for almost anything.  You never know when Prince Charming may ride up in his white H3 and who may have sent him.  Obviously I said yes or the story would end here, and what fun would that be?

My normal rule is to meet for coffee first.  If it is a crappy date, you haven't wasted multiple hours of your life and don't have to deal with that whole awkward time of finding topics you can discuss with someone you hope know you'll never see again.  Mistake #1 (or technically #3 if you count me agreeing to let her give him my number and then answering his call) was bending this rule and meeting him for dinner.

I arrived at the restaurant 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet and 35 minutes before he showed up.  Great start to the date, no?  I forgave this faux pas for a couple of reasons: A) I knew the area he was coming from and knew there was some major construction going on and B) He was gorgeous.  Not cute, not handsome, not even hot.  He was the kind of gorgeous that makes your heart skip a beat and your breath catch in your throat.  I admit, it was totally vain of me to even have this as a reason, but it was a primary reason.  He was so completely gorgeous I couldn't help but wonder why he was 35 and still single.

Shortly after he was shown to our table, he came out with, "Damn, you're hotter than the picture Jason showed me."  This was the high point of the evening. 

Next up: "Don't you think this idiot has really effed up this country in the past 2 years?"  Now, I didn't vote for our current President.  I don't agree with many of the changes he has made/proposes to make, but bringing up politics immediately and in such a derogatory way breaks major first date etiquette.

Over the next two hours he wowed me with tales of his drinking escapades, the dogs he went home with at the height of his inebriation and the numerous occasions he drove home drunk and only getting caught twice.  And by "wowed" I mean I sat in shock that he felt compelled to say all this at our first meeting. 

These anecdotes were interspersed with belches, chomping noises, loud complaints about the service, food and pretty much everyone seated within a 15 foot radius of us.  To say I was embarrassed was an understatement of gigantic proportions.  However after I declined dessert at a rate I am sure was noticeably quick, I was free from his obnoxious presence and could put it all behind me.

Or so I thought.

In an act of supposed chivalry, he walked me to my car.  I began thanking him for the dinner and was cut short by the sloppiest kiss I'd experienced since High School and some attempted clumsy groping.

The whole question as to why he was 35 and still single?  Yep, totally got that one answered.

2 comments:

The Single MILF said...

Yucky. Your bad date description made my skin crawl.

Krista said...

The reality was even worse, trust me. He reminded me of Gaston from "Beauty & The Beast". Gorgeous, arrogant as hell and a total SOB.